Self-Love Journal Week 4

CLICK HERE to see previous journal entries

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Self-Love Journal 10/10/15

I have to admit that it is late and I am exhausted. Journaling on the weekends is a bit more of a challenge because my routine is different. I hope tomorrow will be easier since I plan on making it a work day. However, today I woke up and immediately began cleaning out my car and organizing my trunk kit for work. What I thought would be a 30-minute project turned out to be over an hour and a half. Then the rest of the day was spent getting our cars serviced and errands. I leave for Tallahassee, Pensacola, Destin and Panama City next week and my car was overdue for an oil change.

We had a house full of kids tonight for dinner for Gary’s famous taco bake. It is nice to have everyone feel comfortable enough that they know they are always welcome.

I haven’t made exercising a priority the last few weeks. I used to work out in the mornings before getting ready but now that I am focusing on writing in my journal, tapping and meditating. Next week I know that the Weight Loss and Body Confidence course I am taking will focus on removing roadblocks to exercising. This will be good for me because I am too sporadic right now. Some weeks I am really good and then I go for several weeks with very little. I will need to make sure I pack my workout clothes so I can go to the hotel gyms while I travel. I will be leaving early Monday morning and won’t be home until Thursday night.

The other item I am hoping to focus on next week is the chapter on forgiveness in the Life Loves You book. This is something I easily avoided tackling last week but I know that it is the next step and since my closet is cleaned out I have run out of excuses.

Brooke and Abby are upstairs and it sounds like they are having a good time. Gary was watching the Gators football game, but it sounds like he has crashed for the night so I think it is time for me to turn off the lights and head upstairs to do the same.

Self-Love Journal 10/11/15

Finding time today hasn’t been any easier. I woke up a little after 7 am and it is now after 9 and I just finished working and packing for my trip to the Panhandle tomorrow. I had so much to do and I only finished two projects.

One of them was the Self-Love Starter Kit. That was fun to put together and I think that it will be valuable to those who get it. I gave my virtual assistant Xenia the information for it and she will put it all together and make it look pretty. I don’t know what I would do without Xenia; she does a fantastic job of keeping all of the little details for World Wellness Education and my other businesses going. She is also extremely creative and does most of our graphics and website work.

The other project was a comparison that I had to do for one of my clients. That took a lot longer than I expected and took up most of the day. It is done though and I hope that they find it helpful.

Now, I am sitting on the couch journaling and enjoying family time as Brooke tells me. Family time tonight is watching the Season Premier of Walking Dead. Well, Gary, Brooke, Michael, and Ashleigh are watching the Walking Dead and I am being allowed to have my computer on since I am journaling. It is funny to see how serious they are about this show. I personally have not watched it in years, since Heather was in the house. Two summers ago, I did go on two Walking Dead Tours during our family vacation and I learned a little there. However, not enough to choose to watch it by myself. They are all good sports though and support me with all of my endeavors so I think this year I might just have to suck it up and become a walker stalker.

I am excited to start Week 3 of my tapping course. In fact, I just realized that I have to download the audios tonight so that I can listen to them on my drive tomorrow. I am cutting tonight’s journal short so that I can do it and still allow myself to get a good night sleep.

Self-Love Journal 10/12/15

I love Wayne Dyer’s message and he has inspired me so much since my early twenties. He was one of the very first spiritual and motivational authors that I began to read who really shifted my mindset and my thoughts about the way life was and how it could be. I’ve read so many of his books, listened to so many of his audios and have seen so many of his PBS specials including his movie called The Shift. Recently I began getting his motivational quotes every morning sent to my phone. They are great reminders throughout the day to live in the present moment.

Today’s quote reminded me that this journey of learning to love myself is not only about accepting myself as I am in the mirror but also about visualizing the way I want to be. For me, this is such a slippery slope. I have lived so many years visualizing that person that I wanted to be and never being able to become her. Never being happy with who she is today. How do I realize what I want to become? How do I accept myself for who I am while I am imagining the person that I want to be? Coming to grips with the hypocrisy of these statements is difficult for me.

I know that this is something that I need to figure out. And I feel like I know the answer. I just have to open the blinds to be able to see through.

I experienced something similar when I used to have financial difficulties. I would always want more money and want to be more successful;. It was always a struggle and I never felt like I had enough. I worked so hard with so little results. I remember having a shift when I did the 40 Days of Abundance course with Gail and Jean for the first time. That was when I had an internal shift and  finally felt abundant and grateful for what my life was like then in that moment. It didn’t matter if I had found a penny on the ground. I felt thankful for that penny. I was not in judgment that it was only a penny.

I think I have gotten away from this mentality. I definitely don’t feel like I ever applied it to my body image or how I felt about myself. I also feel like I have strayed away from this principle in my financial life.

I used to keep a grateful journal and write down everything I was grateful for throughout the day. I would always try to come up with at least 10 things and do my best to make sure that they weren’t something that I said over and over each day. I think that this is something I would like to start doing again. But there is more to it.

It is more than just being grateful, it is about feeling the energy. And making that energy pop. For instance when I would find that penny on the ground I would say out loud money, money, money! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It felt really silly sometimes, but it made me feel happy. It made me feel giddy. It was like I was telling the universe – WOW THIS IS AWESOME.

I know that the more we focus on and the more energy we put out that we attract that same type of energy back in. So when we focus on the negative, when we have a lot of energy that we put behind that, then that is the energy we attract in our lives.

I feel like I have gotten away from these principles. I have not been applying these principles in my life the way I used to. I have become too comfortable with where I am and how my life is. And that is OK I have a great life.  I have lots of people in my life to love and I am loved back. I get a lot of enjoyment out of my work and the people I meet each day. I am abundant and able to give and help others. I have plenty of time to play and enjoy just being.

But I do know that I struggle in certain areas a little more than I used to. It seems like the last several months I am always struggling to reach my goals with work. And of course, my weight loss goals and my fitness goals have been an ongoing struggle for years.

It is time for me to start consistently applying this universal life principle again and make it work for me. So as I open these blinds I remember that it is not about what I actually see in reality. It is not about trying to trick myself into thinking that I am skinny when I am NOT or thinking that I have these incredible abs and toned arms when I don’t. It is about the feeling that I want to have when I do have those toned arms and those rockin abs. I need to be grateful for that feeling and I need to recognize it.

Having the abs and the arms I want means feeling strong. Feeling grateful every time I am able to lift something heavier, being able to sit up, being able to feel my muscles contract and appreciating that feeling by knowing that I am strong and doing affirmations that reflect that.

I know that if I change my feelings around my body that my arms and my abs will become stronger because how could they not. I am NOT focusing on my flab and I am NOT focusing on the end result either. I am focusing on how I enjoy being able to move my body and how I enjoy feeling strong. This will help keep me working out on a regular basis and this will keep me pushing my muscles to become even stronger.

I listened to Erin Strutland’s interview today with Jessica Ortner. It was a bonus in the classes that I am taking. She talks about affirmations she uses while working out and she gave us an audio that we can use. I am excited to listen to this audio at the gym tonight when I get to my hotel.

LATER————

Holy smokes, I just finished working out and I have had so many insights today. I can’t wait to share them. However, it is going to have to wait til tomorrow. Right now I am showing myself some self-love by catching the last few hours of daylight in Pensacola and enjoying this beautiful 79 degree perfectly sunny evening. I have some things to send my wonderful customers and I plan to do it from this beautiful courtyard.

Self-Love Journal 10/13/15

I did a lot of follow up last night and I also talked to one of my closest friends, Chauntel.

The difference between this trip and all of the trips in the past is that I am taking care of myself. I did a lot self-care while driving yesterday. Instead of holing myself up in my hotel room after work, I went down to the gym and exercised and I also sat outside for a while. Here is what I did to take care of myself:

1. Journaling
2. Tapping
3. A walk and fresh air midday
4. 35 minutes on the treadmill
5. Fresh air for a few hours at night
6. Focusing on my breath though out the day
7. Focused on how I want to feel about my body throughout the day
8. Focused on how I want to feel about my life throughout the day

My Week 3, Weight Loss, and Body Confidence webinar yesterday was fantastic. I really have to say that this course is helping me tremendously in changing my mindset about how I look, how I am eating and how I am exercising. I realize that I did not say what I am looking like, what I am eating and what I am doing for exercise.

I am also so excited about the bonus interview and workout audio from Erin Strutland. I can’t share the interview or audio, but it looks like Erin has a freebie on her site. http://shrinksessionworkout.com.  I can’t wait to get to my hotel tonight to work out and listen to the workout audio again. It is 25 minutes long. I love it because music is uplifting and Erin has the audio infused with powerful and inspiring affirmations. It is impossible not to feel strong and healthy after listening to it.

Jessica was saying yesterday in her week 3 interview that exercise is not about any form of punishment. Exercise is self-care, it is nourishing. It is a moment that you connect with your body and realize that you’re more powerful than you thought. Making self-care is a priority that we have to choose.

Sometimes I am good with exercising regularly and just as often I am full of excuses and exhaustion and do not get in any real movement throughout the day. I have owned a Fitbit for about a year and it shows a daily goal of 30 minutes of continuous movement. I can easily go back through each day and see how well I achieve that goal or not. My best week was over 600 minutes and my worst week was actually last week at only 23 minutes of active movement all week long. Most of my weeks average around 120 minutes.

I choose to take better care of myself and to move my body each day actively for at least 30 minutes. I know that I can do this; I know that I feel better when I do this and I want to feel better. I enjoy feeling good. I enjoy taking care of myself.

I know that to be able to honor my commitment to myself that I need to schedule this time into my daily routine. I used to work out in the morning. This was the time of day that I could get it in with fewer excuses. However, now with journaling, and tapping/meditating plus my mirror work in the mornings there really is no more time to add another thing. I won’t be able to function if I get less than 7 hours of sleep and getting to bed earlier is not very realistic. That means getting my movement in after work during the evenings.

During my conversation with Gary last night I shared with him what I wanted to do. I told him that he didn’t have to feel obligated to do it with me, but I knew what he would say. I am so lucky to know that he will support me and help me with whatever I need. I look forward to starting to work out regularly with him and to inspire hopefully even Brooke to join us. It is getting a little cooler out and it is the perfect time of year to take an evening walk without feeling like we are suffocating in the heat. I think we will be able to have lots of fun and I am ready to begin. 🙂

Yesterday, I asked the questions: How do I realize what I want to become? How do I accept myself for who I am while I am imagining the person that I want to be? The great thing about asking questions while journaling is that if you pay attention throughout the day, you will find that the universe is proving you with your answers.

My answer was given to me multiple times throughout the day and in multiple ways. I am thinking my angels did not want me to miss it.  I journaled on this earlier but because it came up so often I think it deserves some more thought.

It all comes down to the emotions we have and the strength of those emotions. My finances changed all of those years ago because I started to feel abundant consistently and passionately. When I would find any amount of money deposited in my account, saved any amount, received a check or even find a penny on the ground – I would declare with as much passion and energy that I could Money, money, money! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have gotten comfortable and have forgotten this life principle. It is simple what I focus on I attract. This universal law does not differentiate between what I want and do not want. It only brings me what I am focusing on. Therefore when I have conflicting emotions, it will bring me the emotion with the larger energy charge.

So the way to apply this to my life today is that when I feel good about my body or myself then I need to get really into that emotion and be thankful for it. I many not start jumping up and down in public yelling thank you, thank you, thank you I feel skinny! But I need to take a moment and really be joyous in the present and notice that I do feel good, I do feel skinny. While not letting my inner critic say “yeah, but you’re really not skinny or all of the other negative things it comes up with.” Intead I need to just enjoy the moment. When I feel strong, I need to enjoy that. I need to make sure that I’m more focused on feeling skinny, feeling strong and feeling good about myself. Who cares whether it’s the truth or not? Does it really matter to anybody but me anyway? After all my perception is my reality!

Being in sales is always a struggle. Whenever you are doing good in making the quotas the company sets for you or that you set for yourself – you are on top of the world. Everything is good. But the minute your sales are down and you’re not meeting your goals or you get scared that you may not meet your goals then life becomes difficult.

I have to say that I have had some challenging months this summer. Some of my very large accounts are not ordering what they used to and they’re blaming it on the summer months. Well it’s October already and things are still slow. Fortunately, I did not stress out about this at the beginning but things don’t seem to be getting better and I must say that I am beginning to feel some of the stress.

So therefore, this is another area of my life that I need to make some changes. I need to quit focusing on the numbers that may not be where I would like them to be. Or where I thought they should be at this point in time. Instead, I will only focus on being thankful for what I have. So as I see sales happen throughout the day I am NOT going to judge on the size of the sale or that I thought so and so would have ordeed by now. Instead,  I am going to focus on being thankful for what I have. I will be  thankful for the people who have purchased our formulas and thankful that the patients will see the difference in their health and are getting a top-notch scientifically based formula.

I started this yesterday afternoon and I must say that I am already feeling better about things. I also already seeing proof that this universal law does work. I’ve got the following email from a client today. I’ve taken out the details to protect their identity, but this is still a reminder to me that I need to focus on what is working well in my life and what I want more of.

I also received an order from another doctor who is looking to change to our GI products. He has always loved one of our competitors and it is a huge deal that he is making this change.

I am extremely grateful for these two events that show that what I am doing is important and I am making a difference.

Life is not always easy and I have become complacent – but no more. I know it is true that through our adversity and our struggles that we learn more about who we are we learn more about our integrity and character during then we do when things are going well. I am happy that I had this reminder, this nudge in my life. I think it will definitely help me with the self-love journey as well as in other areas of my life. I am feeling really blessed and I definitely want to acknowledge that feeling and encourage more events in my life that will bring it about.

1. I am grateful that I woke up this morning with lots of energy
2. I am grateful that I chose a healthier option at lunch that was gluten free.
3. I am grateful that it is almost 7 o’clock Eastern Time and I still have to get to my hotel, eat, workout and do some follow-ups. Yet I am still in a fabulous mood and looking forward to all of it.
4. I am grateful that the hotel I am staying at is only a few blocks off the Gulf Coast and I will be able to get some beach walks in while I am there.
5. I am grateful that when I called Gary tonight that he was on the treadmill working out. He is doing his 30 minutes a day moving even when I am not home 🙂
6. I am grateful that I had a doctor switch his formulas for GI repair to Designs for Health today from one of our competitors because he believes in them so much.
7. I am grateful for the email that I got from a customer today saying that he valued what I brought to the table and that I am a good resource for him and his team.
8. I am grateful for the sales that I had with Designs for Health today. I know that they will make a difference in somebody’s life.
9. I am thankful that one of my clients is doing a Beautycounter party at her house this month. I know that we will have a lot of fun and it will be good to get to know other women in my area who have similar interests.
10. I am thankful that the kids use me as a resource to help them feel better and stay healthy.
11. I am extremely thankful that MJ gained some weight this week and that he seems to be feeling better and that we may be on the right track with keeping his acid reflux under control.
12. I am thankful that Heather is feeling better from the cold that she caught.

Self-Love Journal 10/14/15

I have seen a larger shift in my life this week than I have in an incredibly long time. This is the fourth week of The Self-Love Project and I know that everything I am doing to take care of myself is making a huge difference in my life.

Things I have noticed and am thankful for are:

1. I am happier. I mean really happy. Smiling all of the time and feeling giddy.
2. I have more energy.
3. I am accomplishing more.
4. I am seeing changes in the way people relate to me.
5. I feel like I radiate positivity and love.
6. I feel healthy.
7. I feel like I am in the zo Everything is going my way.
8. I feel skinnier.
9. I feel stronger.
10. I am sleeping better.
11. Making healthy food choices is easier.
12. I look forward to moving my body instead of dreading exercise.
13. I am getting a ton accomplished. It is like I am on fire.

I feel incredible today. I am actually sitting here in shock because normally when I travel to the Panhandle I am exhausted the entire trip. It is a lot of driving and a ton of work. By the time I get to the hotel in the evenings I am normally wiped out and can’t even think straight. Yet, on this trip I feel super energized and clear mentally.

I love my clients in the Panhandle but I have been doing this trip for over 2 years now, every four to six weeks, and I have always dreaded it. In fact, I usually only stay 3 days and by day three I am tired and grumpy with only one thing on my mind. Getting home.

We’ll this time; I am over here 4 days because I really need to focus on developing my territory more including Panama City. It is day three and I am sitting at a Craft Beer and Burger Pub having a gluten free mead beer and waiting for my bunless burger. I feel really good. I am not grumpy at all. I even got a new customer today from just walking in their office. In over 120 new customers this has only happened 3 times.

For the first time while traveling alone on these trips, I have made time to get outside and enjoy the fresh air while I have been here. Fresh air has been something I have been craving a lot in the last week or so. I am not sure why. It could just be that it is finally starting to get into the 70’s and low 80’s consistently and I am enjoying it. I think this has made a big difference in my energy levels. I went for a short walk Monday mid-day and then sat outside Monday night while I did some follow-up work on the computer. Yesterday, I didn’t get outside for any length of time. By the time I got to my hotel, the sun was setting. However, I was up and walking the three blocks to the beach this morning to catch the sunrise and this afternoon I walked to a restaurant and had dinner outside and then came back and worked for a while around the pool. Tomorrow morning I will beach it again before I leave and I plan on catching breakfast at a little diner I saw near the beach that had outside tables.

Even though I have taken a lot better care of myself this trip than I have in the past, I do feel like I have put in some incredibly long days and I am really looking forward to getting back home. Since, I have met Gary I am not nearly as much of a workaholic as I once was and I am craving the balance he brings to my life. It is kind of ironic since he has no problem with me working and he always encourages me to get what I need to be done. Yet, when I was married my work was a huge source of contention and I worked a lot more….huh, go figure. Guess the saying “what you resist, persists” is true.

One of the other things that I think is making a huge difference this week is Erin Stutland’s Workout Affirmations. She really is incredibly awesome and I felt so empowered and inspired after listening to it. It is not just the affirmations themselves but also the music and the passion she shares. She inspires me to move and to give my very best. I have begun to say these affirmations all throughout the day. Along with my other affirmations, they are becoming a mantra.

I am strong now
I have all that I need
I am happy, healthy, wealthy and love
What I seek is also seeking me
I make space for greatness
I call in my success
I focus on giving
Cuz what I give is what I get
Life loves me
I allow life to love me today in grand ways

The above affirmations were contributed by Erin Strutland, Robert Holland, and Louise Hay

I have always used affirmations, but I have not used them for many years. I guess in some ways I wasn’t sure if they really worked. However, I am amazed at how quickly they are working in my life right now and I hope I always continue to use them with the passion and energy that I have been using them this week. I am literally seeing miracles daily.

Self-Love Journal 10/16/15

I am home and I am so happy. I am glad that the trip to the Panhandle was a new experience this time and that I didn’t feel out of sorts and grumpy by the time I headed home. However, coming home last night made me feel so good. It was just Gary and me for dinner and we went to a little craft bar and restaurant near us. We had some chicken wings and pumpkin beers. Then when we came home Michael and Ashleigh game over to visit.

I am excited because Ashleigh is going to start doing yoga with me. It has been a long time since I practiced yoga in a studio. I started searching for them and it seems that the only one within 5 miles is a Prana Yoga. I am not sure that we are up to starting with hot yoga. I will have to try calling a few places that are a little farther away.

As I am sitting here journaling, Brooke’s cat Bullet is laying on the couch next to me. He even greeted me when I came in the door last night before Gary got a chance to. I have never had a cat that was as friendly. He even brought me in a lizard today as a present. Ugh… half his head in one spot and the body in another.

Last week Tracy Gerber posted a comment on Facebook that helped me look at things differently.

Until she said it, I did not even realize that I have been trying to put my 46-year-old body back into the body that I was in, in my 20’s. It is pretty ridiculous to think of; especially since I would not want to give up the wisdom or the experiences I have had in the last 25 years. I am not that person anymore and it is time I let go of that ideal.

This week’s tapping webinar and meditations in the Weight Loss and Body Confidence program have helped me remove a lot of resistance that I have had around working out. It feels odd that I would even have resistance but somewhere over the years it has popped up.

I realize that I am not in my 20’s anymore but in my 20’s working out was easy and I felt good doing it. I think I continued with it because I always saw results. Back then I did cardio workouts but I focused more on using my body as weights and toning. As I got older, I focused more on cardio and still included the weights, but I didn’t see results. When I owned my group fitness center, I would attend 5 plus classes each week and I never lost a pound. This became very frustrating and I think that this is where I began to develop a lot of resistance.

My next experience that added to this resistance has to do with running. My friend Jen talked me into training for a Disney Marathon. Now, I am not a runner and have never really enjoyed running but somehow she convinced me. I started training and I think had I stuck with a 10k or less I would have been okay. But once I got to 14 miles in the training I had a complete emotional breakdown and quit completely. I have tried sporadically to run since but I also have a hard time with my breath so I usually just give up on it.

Jessica reminded me this week that our bodies are made for movement. Yes, of course, exercise extends our life and affects our health and our weight posively. More than that though for me is remembering that it also helps improve self-image, relieve depression; help’s with amore restful sleep and provides a better quality of life.

Getting movement every day for me is something that I choose from here on out to make a priority. I am going to choose a movement that feels right for me, though. I am not going to do lots of cardio because someone says I should and I am not going to do crazy obstacle courses for the same reason. I am going to do cardio when I feel the need and I will do weights, running, yoga, kickboxing and martial arts for the same reason. I look forward to a variety of movement and I look forward to paying attention to what my body needs.

I vow that if I feel too tired to get movement in during the day or feel that there is not enough time that I will tap on it and I will put on Erin’s audio and allow a shift happen in my perception.

This is not about seeing results it is about taking care of me. I do this every day not because I have to. This is not work. This is about self-love. It is about doing nice things for me – my body and my emotional and mental state.

CLICK HERE to see previous journal entries

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Self-Love Takeaways Week 4

1. Affirmations – Saying daily positive affirmations with passion and energy helps make me feel better. It helps me stay intentional in my life and helps remind me of what is important.
2. Being grateful – This is more than being grateful once a day for all of the good things in my life. Being grateful in the moment for every instance and feeling that is in alignment with what I want more of in my life. Just like affirmations the more passion and energy I have about what I want to see more of in my life and the more often I do it then the quicker I will see results.
3. Daily movement – Our bodies are designed to move. Movement not only benefits my body but my mind and my happiness as well. It is an essential part to loving myself.

To see other Self-Love Takeaways click here.